What is Your Parenting Style?
In our respective roles as counselors for both children and parents in private practice, we have found that a parent's style of parenting strongly contributes to their child's well-being, resiliency and over-all behavior. A style of parenting that provides love and support coupled with discipline and structure has been shown to be a reliable indicator of raising children that are happy and confident. In addition, we have found that a parent's approach to discipline, level of warmth and nurturing, communication, level of control over the children, and the parent's expectations with respect to maturity level are contributing factors in their child's behavior and functioning.
In a series of studies conducted in the 1960s, clinical and developmental psychologist, Diana Baumrind, identified the four basic parental behavior components of responsiveness, unresponsiveness, demanding and undemanding, which she combined to create three principal parenting styles. Maccoby the child is often treated as an equal. Components of caring and warmth coupled with low control make up parental behavior.
A child being raised by a permissive parent has likely been indulged and is typically irresponsible and has poor self-discipline. Our child counselor has found that behaviorally inhibited children who were being raised by permissive parents are also more likely to develop depression and anxiety.
Authoritative.The authoritative parent has clear expectations of behavior and conduct. The child's activities are directed in a reasonable, logical manner that allows for verbal give-and-take and reasonable discussions. When necessary, the authoritative parent exerts firm control, but this is accomplished through healthy communication, not in a rigid, disciplinarian manner. The parent encourages the child's autonomy and recognizes the child's own interests. The authoritative parenting style is rational and affirmative and combines the parental behavior components of control with warmth and responsiveness.
We have found that a child being raised by authoritative parents will likely be well adjusted. We can assume that he does well in school, that he is self-reliant and responsible and that he has a friendly, open disposition. This is the ideal parenting-style because it is well-balanced.
Neglectful/Uninvolved.The neglectful or uninvolved parent meets the child's physical requirements but is otherwise disengaged, disconnected and emotionally distant. The unresponsive, neglectful parent places few
demands on the child and exhibits very little warmth and responsiveness. A child being raised by a neglectful parent typically fares worse than children raised by
parents who parent with the other three parenting styles. Typically children raised by these types of parents will function poorly in nearly all aspects of life; interestingly most juvenile offenders have been raised by uninvolved or neglectful parents. In addition, a child raised by a neglectful parent will likely have poor cognition, social and emotional skills and may struggle to form healthy attachments later in life.
Counselors for both parents and children in our private practice have found that parental responsiveness as well as parental demandingness are integral factors of good child-rearing. Clear, appropriate demands and expectations balanced with warm emotional
responsiveness as well as an awareness of the child's autonomy, are considered to be reliable predictors of well-being, achievement, competence, resiliency and self-reliance in most children. Warm emotional responsiveness along with clear, age-appropriate expectations help to form a balanced platform for successful child-rearing. For these reasons, authoritative parenting offers the leadership and guiding principles children need. When parents provide achievable benchmarks with support, fair consequences for misbehaviors, and instructive guidance with clear expectations, children thrive and are more likely to internalize the behaviors their parent's desire.